it is one of those days , when you have a billion things that need to be done but you aint feelin it . it is this day where i start question myself about facts in my life : if i am missing out things or pretending to not see them . it is this time where in my head i need perfection but i just have the opposite . it is this day where you question yourself about what do you want and what do you need . it is okay to want what you deserve , but what do i deserve ? how can i measure it ? I mean i feel good , happy appreciated and pretty amazing . but it feels odd to think that it can happen this way , the other way around . not as i imagine it or i beleive that it is how it should be . But , wait a second it is usual me who wants to undersatnd eveything in a small amount of time and i shouldnt . This time i must understand if it is real or not . but do i have enough time ? can i have it after all these years ? i don’t think so .